I’m to the last few weeks of my pregnancy, and its been a tough pregnancy to say the least, but it seems like within the last couple weeks I’ve been emotional and extremely stressed. With this little one, as my due date approaches, I feel less and less ready for it. More scared then confident. More anxiety, then excitement. Not only the typical labor fears, but there are just so many unknowns. Am I ready to take this on? I’m I the right person to be his mom? Is it really going to be ok? Honestly right now I have lots of doubts, and just praying that there will be no other complications when he arrives. I’ve tried to picture him in my mind. How severe will his condition be? What will he look like? I can’t seem to picture how any of this is going to pan out…..But there is another part of me, a stronger part that knows my Heavenly Father loves me, and our family. His hands have been in this from the beginning. He’s been there during my lonelier moments, and made my darker days feel light. He’s sent so many little tender mercy’s that has helped made getting ready for this long process so much easier. Probably an 18 year process. From my first ultra sound to our last surgeon interviews, we would not have been able to do it alone. I’ve looked back at people who I’ve crossed paths with at points and time in my life, who have now helped things just fall into place. People who I never thought that I would talk to or see again, who have become my best friends and strongest supports. I cant believe how much this has already changed my perspective on a lot of things. Whats really important in life, and whats not important at all. Family is the most important thing.
The first few weeks of finding out that our son would have his birth defects, I was obviously fragile and emotional as it all was first sinking in. It was really hard going into baby stores, and looking at baby things or anything related. I would just break down and cry, because it was just all still so fresh, and I was still super fragile about it all. Since then, its gotten better, time goes on and I get more confident and less sad. But the other night Mac and I were shopping at the mall and I saw some baby boy clothes through a window and just got that wave of fear and emotions back in me. Then Mac whispered from a cross the shoe store and lead my attention over to a little boy (maybe 4 or 5 years old) who was walking down the isles looking at shoes. He was THE CUTEST little boy and he was with his two big brothers. He had a cleft lip. I just wanted to go up to him and give him a big hug and just hold him. I know I sound like a creeper but, Its in those little moments that my fear goes away, I don’t feel sorry for my self or want to cry. I feel so excited and so lucky. I get to have two cleft lovies in my life 🙂 We wanted to talk to the family but they disappeared out of the store right after that. They had no idea and will probably never know that by being in a shoe store on a Friday night, it had an impact on another mom and dad. Just the sight of this little boy made me so happy, and just reminded me how lucky we are to get to have him in our family.
This little guy will be such a great addition and blessing to our family. I’m scared of the unknown yes, but I am happy. Only 4 weeks to go!
Riley's Cleft Story 